My new friends everywhere

I don't care what people think of me; usually.  I don't need their love; until I find myself alone.  I don't want to be dependent on other people who may or may not resent my vulnerability.  Some people open up to me and I allow them to expose the beauty of their soul for as long as they desire, all I can promise is that I will witness and protect their perfection.  And then it is time for me to go; practicality takes over and I must leave my favourite beautiful person to go somewhere I am alone and have no purpose.  I do not understand sometimes why I make the decisions I do in life, leaving behind those souls who are most open and most beautiful to me.  I seem to have a profound effect on those willing few who I then go and dessert at their time of most sensitive exposure.  I call it necessity but suspect the problem is in my ability to commit to these people who are conveniently all over the world and therefore I leave behind for long periods one lot to be with the other.  The contradiction of my life is that I spend my life searching, to be close to others while in the process taking myself away from those I am closest to.  I have visions of a future in which I own a holy hilltop home where there is land for all my angels from all over the world to come and stay with me as long as they want.  This land will home us all and sustain us with its fruit and vegetables and seafood.  We will live together as we see fit, free from the cultural baggage of our heritage.  Until then I can only work and dream of returning to those I feel are currently most in love with me and holding them in whatever form presents itself.  Sometimes I want to hold my friend in bed all night long, sometimes I want to look my friend in the eye and see their everything, sometimes I want to use our shared language to penetrate the insanity of each others' psyche and hopefully diffuse the seriousness of a world that doesn't really exist and is certainly not as real as the beautiful intensity of this moment we are sharing silently.