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2013-12-24

To be spoken for the Mass of Christ, 25 December

On this day of the Mass of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Saviour, I offer these words of praise and faith.

Throughout most of the year many of us live a profane life, unconscious of the gifts bestowed upon us by God.  Jesus Christ came to earth 2013 years ago on this day to remind us of the grace and blessings of God on this Earth.  The embodied divinity he brought remains with us in the words that we still possess.

Blessed are the poor, for they shall receive charity.
Blessed are the rich, for they can charge to their credit cards.
Blessed are the hungry, for they will feast.
Blessed are the obese, for their stomachs have expanded and can encompass even more food.  For he that have much, more will be given.
Blessed are ye who spend all your money on gifts until not a cent remains, for great is your reward in Heaven.

When you pray, do not repeat the doctrines of your peculiar denomination, but pray directly to the Economy, using one of its many great names.
In this manner therefore pray ye: Our Santa who art in Lappland, hallowed be thy name.
Thy reindeer come, thy gifts be unwrapped on earth as they are in heaven.
Give us this day our daily chocolate custard plum cake
And forgive us our debts, as we continue to sink deeper into debt.
Lead us not into asceticism, but deliver us with consumption.  For thine is the kingdom, the possession and the convenience, for ever and ever.  Amen.

And when you give gifts, do not just hand them over.  But wrap them in paper that you also purchase, and place them under a pine tree.  Thus, as you surprise the recipient, so shall you be surprised in heaven.

No man can serve two masters: for either he will spend or he will save.  Ye cannot serve the Economy and sustainability.

The peasants came to Jesus and asked him, "How shall we attain the Kingdom of Heaven?"  
And Jesus said unto them, "Wrap objects in coloured paper, tie them with bows and give them to your brethren.  Do not worry about money, how ye will survive into the new year, how ye will pay thy rent.  Go into debt, overdraft thy bank account.  God knows that ye are in need of money and he shall provide.  Only in this way shall ye attain the Kingdom of Heaven."

A rich man approached Jesus and asked him, "Good Master, I have kept all the commandments from my youth.  What more can I do, that I may have eternal life?"
And Jesus said unto him, "Go into town and spend all your money on stuff, wrap that stuff in coloured paper and give it to the poor and your rewards will be great in Heaven."

On this day we celebrate the birth of Christ, who saved us from poverty and ignorance.  He gave us shopping malls, stupormarkets and online shopping.  In his name we can purchase, consume and dispose.

In the name of the Economy, Santa Claus and holy advertising.  Amen.

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