the moment when the vast open night sky tempts me back into life

When I wake up

I don’t know who I will be.

I do my best

to breathe calmly.

When I breathe and listen carefully

I notice

I do not fear anything.

 

and then I hear

life call out to me.

It is faint at first,

I dismiss it.

I step outside

to the aliveness

of sunshine on my skin,

or the delicacy

of a misty rain,

or the harsh chill

of a cold wind.

 

In that moment

I know

I can go inside

and I will feel nothing.

 

Now,

I feel the fear.

I listen, quietly, patiently.

 

I fear

I will say no to life.

 

I fear the corrupt self

who lures me inside the house

with disparaging slogans

gleaned from my inadequacy.

 

I close my eyes

and open them.

 

The universe surrounds me

in every direction.

The vast sky and earth

do not overwhelm me

because I know my limits,

I accept the possible.

 

I step forward,

the space yields

to accommodate me.

 

I can move,

I can act,

the limitations are conceivable.

I encounter another human being.

I choose,

in this moment,

how we will communicate.

 

I am entirely naked,

I am vulnerable,

I am totally within my strength.

I have no boundaries.

I allow you to move towards me

in love

in desire

with respect.

I do not fear your truth,

I am not ashamed of my own.

 

I feel your beauty

throughout my body.

I want to merge with you

emotionally, sexually, intellectually, culturally,

momentarily.

I want to know what that feels like.

I want to re-emerge

alone

and know what that feels like.

 

I am merely an entity

temporarily incarnate

in this body,

in this place,

in this moment.

I cannot act

other than my nature.

 

I lay myself

in the bed I have prepared.

I dream pasts, presents, futures.

 

I wake,

hear again,

ignorant

of the unmanifest certainty

of the universe

I have dreamed into.