The information cloud

The child sank to the floor.  There was nothing to do and nothing to feel, only the burdens of traumatised adults.  The child thinks he never wants to be an adult.  On the floor there is no emotioning going on and this is comforting.  When feeling overwhelmed, merely shut down emotionally, the child learns.

The child drifts off as in a waking dream.  Disengaged from reality and yet highly conscious.  He observes the landscape he enters, seemingly not of this world but not containing anything alien enough to suggest another world.  He is not present in this world but he is an observing entity amidst it, curiously noticing its vibration.

In this world there is no time and space, he notices.  He experiences only a rich atmosphere of information. The information he perceives all seems to relate to his memories.  The heavy burden of his past, though short, is dense and hovers around his centre of perception like a fog but also like a library, where each droplet of water hovering in the air is a book on a shelf that can be plucked and observed with detached attention, learned from or discarded with disinterest.

Every place he has been and every moment that has been his now in the past is as present as anything.  There are no gaps between this experience and the others, his attention can move calmly between them with ease.  They all comprise the psychological history that is the basis for his emotional state.  These are the fears and anxieties and shames that he clings to throughout his days, that cause him at such a young age to withdraw from the drama of life, but that presently he observes to be potentially joyful and fun.

He know he will go back to this so-called normal state of awareness and will return to the pressures and anxieties that burden his young heart.  He can see his immediate future and the almost accidental strangeness of the situation he is involved in.  Of all the moments in his life, of all the possible environments in this dense cloud of information, he is bound by the certainty that this is the one he will return to.  As far as he knows, and he has no reason to question it, this is the reality from which he came and the reality to which he shall return.

He accepts this and is not concerned.