Domestic Compulsive Disorder

Sometimes I can stay for too long in an overly comfy domestic situation that does not enrich my life. I know I have to at least go outside for a walk, but this stifling building where all my superficial needs are met is so difficult to leave. I usually wait until I can't stand it anymore and then I hit the road, travelling with my thumb to some gathering in the forest where this sickness can be washed off in the waters of some lake.

Sometimes I will stay so long that I will suddenly notice that my diet has increased in breadth imperceptibly until I can't stop eating bread even though it is making me sick and I am going to bed full every night and having so many dreams. The increase in dreams may actually be my body compensating for my lack of awareness of itself during the waking hours. But a vapid life provides so few pleasures and so when I discover spelt French toast with tahini and honey I will not deprive myself.

I have been here not even two weeks and already I am eating and masturbating compulsively. I have no money and nothing better to do so I scour the dumpsters outside supermarkets for food and masturbate in public toilets looking at dirty graffiti on the walls. I can drink coffee and go manic or I can swim in the ocean and cleanse myself, but at the end of the day I am stuck in a compulsive consumer society and I know the only option is to escape and take the brief and joyous journey to my unmet friends at the Rainbow Gathering near Glen Davis.

I am lucky to be able to eat from bins and travel by hitchhiking but I am not safe from the dementia of the domestic compulsive disorder. I know no matter how many times I ejaculate into the toilet bowl and no matter how many times I pop another couple of pieces of toast into the toaster I will never be satisfied. I am able to survive by focusing on the task of working on the garden. Until this job is done I am safe from becoming completely overwhelmed with my own compulsions. When this job is complete I must leave because there is no purpose for me here. I must go where my mind has focus and my life has meaning and my body and soul have peace. I must go where my friends are, the friends that enrich my life and raise my spirits, the friends who I inspire and delight as much as they do me. I must sit on the earth again, eating raw simple foods that bring happiness to my body and therefore my life.

I am a human being, not a waste disposal unit, and I was not born to process the inevitable waste of a production/consumption society.