A Fantastic Woman [2017] by Sebastián Lelio

A woman dealing with the grief of her partner's sudden death also has to deal with his family's prejudice about her as a trans woman.

I usually find films in which people are constantly mean to each other irritating and upsetting, but in A Fantastic Woman Daniela Vega is so engaging I am fully drawn into her world.

She absorbs and channels all the prejudice and hatred that is unfairly thrown at her with utter dignity, being neither oblivious nor overwhelmed, but mustering all her strength and integrity to maintain her equilibrium and move on.

As she tries to grieve the death of her partner she is the recipient of all kinds of abuse, being called all sorts of nasty things; but Vega's presence speaks louder.  No, she is a grieving human being, she is fragile and yet robust, delicate and yet capable of rage, she is a woman, and certainly a fantastic woman with such poise and grace.

Spookers [2017] by Florian Habicht

A heartwarming mental illness horror documentary about community.

I would never attend the horror attraction Spookers and I would not have seen this film if I was not already familiar with the delightful and charming work of its director, Florian Habicht. Perhaps he has reached the limit of what his light and spontaneous approach is capable of accommodating. The only intention seems to be heart-warming and pleasant, and this seems to work when you're depicting falling in love on the streets of New York or getting excited about attending a pop concert, but when it comes to grotesque gore and violence, it is really not cute.

What I came to expect from the marketing is that the blood and horror of the Spookers attraction was to be intercut with the employees talking about how they found a peculiar feeling of family and home, self-expression and acceptance. Intercutting laughing, smoking and applying make-up with the horror element sounds harmless enough, diffusing the violence with the lightness and joy with which it is delivered. But it is extremely naïve to think that we as viewers don't respond to that imagery in primal and negative ways.

It is still up for debate whether or not horror films are effectively cathartic or desensitising to real-life violence. This film absolutely does not deal with these themes at all. Despite briefly talking about some Spookers attendees who become legitimately terrified and even showing footage of some almost catatonic person being gently escourted out, why an audience would want to expose themselves to this violent horror and terror is not addressed. It is fine to offer a fun and superficial film, an advertisement for the community of freaks who feel at home at Spookers, but the film attempts to address some of the deeper issues below the surface.

It is briefly mentioned that the site of Spookers used to be a psychiatric hospital where many patients were isolated for decades and severely mistreated and one of the patients is even interviewed. Some of the cast of Spookers have experienced severe mental health issues themselves or distressingly witnessed it in their family. The possibility is mentioned that Spookers may be ridiculing these real experiences or that it is reinforcing stigmatising myths about mental illness in general, but there is no depth whatsoever in the discussion. Once these serious and emotionally moving topics are introduced, the film just cuts back to more grotesque and vapid scenes of horror. I suppose this is intended to be amusing, but I found it rather upsetting. Having witnessed the traumatising possibilities of mental illness in my own intimate relationships, none of this is remotely amusing. It is naïve, irresponsible, superficial and just weak filmmaking.

Another day

Because the Queen chose to be born today 1000 years ago my local library was closed and I have had to cycle all the way into the city to be able to use a computer.  That could be potentially annoying.  As I cycle down Royal Parade through all the European trees dropping their yellow leaves on the street the reality of my environment strikes me.  I wait at the traffic lights and see a crazy filthy bird hopping all over the street.  I feel a sudden spell of appreciation for this bird's existence.  Amidst all this construction, abstraction, planning and post-human life there is a economically useless wild bird hopping about the city.  As unremarkable as the beautiful yellow leaves falling.

The world still exists.  The world has not ended.  There is still wilderness tentatively surviving the colonisation of concrete.  I have so much gratitude for the birds, trees, and wild animals inhabiting our city.  What a desolate world it would be if we really could eradicate the bats and rats.  How can I be angry at this extra ride into the city for some stupid public holiday when I am gifted the opportunity to appreciate my world.  I decided right then to acknowledge that bird - a pest? an invasive species? - as soon as I got to the library.

As I rode further some unseen bird shat on me from above.  It's black, white and translucent shit hit my hand and splashed onto my clothes.  I was not angry.  I figured I'd just go straight to the toilets and wash it off when I got to the library.  Where is my uncontrollable rage today?  The intensity of my fluctuating emotional state has lately caused the slightest disappointment, frustration or loneliness to send me into rage or despair.  But today I feel calm and focussed.  Are my emotions so arbitrary?  Are they moving through me with greater ease?

I feel peace, though my life is no more meaningful than it was yesterday.  My life is no more productive, successful or connected.  I have nothing to do and no one to meet today, nor tomorrow.  But my body is a smooth, unobstructed stream of energy, moving calmly towards the ocean.

I am prepared for further surges of the intense hopelessness that have been moving through me lately.  But today I rest in simple peace.  Today I love all the beings I share this earth with, human and non-human, plant and animal.  I will rage against the meaningless abstractions imposed upon this world another day.

Community

We gallop back and forth, all around the world, not knowing where we belong.  We follow the Rainbow, we follow the sun, we follow each other, ever-hopeful for the real life we feel in our hearts is possible; speaking about it, singing about it, visualising it, declaring it.  The world where we feel connected to those around us, alive, fulfilled.

We have a sacred role to play that is not separate from earning our living.  We make a contribution and in return, the appreciation of our community provides us food, shelter and love.  I simply need a home in which I can be naked and safe, alone and connected, with my lover and my housemates, a cosy nest in which I can wrap up warm and make love with the beautiful man who loves me.

I want to feel loved and appreciated, to make a contribution, joyously, spontaneously, from the best of myself, exactly what my people need, whether that’s performance poetry or a clean kitchen.  I am even happy to do mundane repetitive work for a busy capitalist in return for currency, but apparently the constellation of my being, as I have formed myself in this life, through which I can connect easily with diverse people, does not appeal to a utilitarian employer.

I offer the best of myself to the world.  Nothing is more fulling to me than to connect, to inspire, to serve.  To make the best contribution to the world I am capable of making, utilising my joy, my pain, my heartbreak, my sexuality, my creativity, my spontaneity, my unconventionality, my talent, my confidence, my arrogance, my empathy and my intelligence.  I will look to the world, see the job that needs doing, and do it.  I will ask the world what it needs and I will do my best to do what is asked of me. 

I love you and I give you full permission to offer me, in return, the love, the touch, the money or the home I need; whatever you feel capable of contributing I receive with the utmost gratitude.  I have needs too and I do not expect you to fulfil them, but I accept and appreciate your gifts when they come to me.

This is a spell I am passing out into the world.  I have needs right now that are not being fulfilled.  I need either money to pay rent or a home I don’t need to pay for.  I can contribute cleaning, cooking or gardening. 

I need loving touch that does not need to be sexual to satisfy the need in my soul for huwoman touch.  I need people to call me, message me, and visit me spontaneously.  In return I offer you nutritious meals, poetry, conversation and love. 

I am your Quinoa and you are my world.  Let us be a community.  Let us offer each other what we need.  I am always happy to talk to anyone about anything at any time, in real life, via message or voice call.  Assuming it is humble and not abusive, honest and gentle, I can listen, I can discuss and I can empathise.  I am not afraid of your emotions, I’m not afraid of your truth, your fears, your passions, your ideas, your shame, your joy, your sexuality or your trauma.  I only request you offer the same sensitivity and respect in return.  I can do my best to love you in whatever way you need if you would only ask. 

Please don’t be scared of me, my people.  I’m not a freak, I’m not better than you, you do not bore me.  Maybe sometimes I am awkward, intense or standoffish, but I so appreciate when people break through that veil to communicate or share with me.  I wonder sometimes if people are afraid of me or if I repel them.  I have so much love to give and so much love to receive.  I need you in my life, all of you, my locals and my distant friends, Melbourne, Facebook, the world!

Last night I performed my electronic spoken word masterpiece “My Very Nature” at a queer spoken word night at Hares & Hyenas on Johnston Street, Fitzroy.  It was a cosy, friendly place, I was given free drinks, but people would only speak to me long enough to thank me for my performance, no one allowing the conversation to develop beyond acclaim to a simple pleasant chat.  It felt like being famous.  What a peculiar hell that would be if people spoke to me like that all the time.

I am in this city now and I would like to stay if you’ll have me.  But I need real, daily, supportive community. 

Solidarity is the best tool we have in this world and community is the only way we can live, however we each choose to form these communities, wherever we choose to live.  We need each other and we deserve our freedom.  Our freedom of association, our freedom of interdependence, our freedom to live together, work together, eat together and sleep together with the utmost consent. 

I live in a society where everything is based on mutual consent.  There are sometimes coercive institutions interfering with our consensus decision making, but we have the power to defy and evade.  We have cracks to slip through and grow in, like a resilient dandelion. 

I want to live in a beautiful world populated by huwomans who love and support each other in all areas, even where there are taboos, such as money or touch.